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If you fail to plan - guess what? 

You plan to fail.

 

 


If you're an American salesman working in the UK, then we extend a very warm welcome to you. 

Just so that you can work your sales presentation effectively over here, may we offer a few well meaning words of advice...

On the subject of pronunciation, the word "aluminium" seems to give a little problem. Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it! Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (Look up "vocabulary".) 

And, also, please try and extend your vocabulary. Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. (Look up "interspersed".) 

If you've been in London for a while, you'll realise that in certain quarters there will be a need to get your tongue around some useful phrases such as 
"Omagawd, weevbinstichduplikakippaJon!" You will also notice that everyone is called Jon.

Please remember that there is no such thing as "US English"

(And just a thought - why doesn't Hollywood occasionally cast English actors as the good guys?)

Whilst here, please try and adopt our national game and learn about David Beckham and Man United etc. You should really stop playing American football. There is only one kind of football. What you refer to as "American football" is not a proper game.

You may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You should instead play real football.

Initially, it would be best if you played with the junior teams. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds because of the weight of the full kevlar body armour that you wear.)

Furthermore, July 4th is no longer a public holiday. October 3rd will be a new national holiday, but only in England. It will be called "Indecisive Day". 

PS WannabuyamowtaJon? 

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